


scars

by GxmerGurl



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canonical Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26000023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GxmerGurl/pseuds/GxmerGurl
Summary: Some scars just take longer to heal and smooth out. Both mental and physical.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	scars

**Author's Note:**

> Big Sucker for these two and just want to say that I wanted to explore Zukos's trauma and abuse some more because the boy has been hurt and broken and deserves the best.

Ember Island was gorgeous, and that wasn't even counting in the beautiful house they were staying in. The stunning beaches. The clear blue water that was always just the right temperature for swimming. And the house had the best spot on the island. It may have been abandoned for god knows how many years, but it was still beautiful, sitting on the hill with a perfect beach view.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying their stay on ember island; everyone but Zuko. Every corner seemed to flood his mind with memories he would gladly burn, like that family portrait. It would be so much easier if he were able to disconnect from his past and memories. But he couldn't. Every summer that they spent there seemed to come back to him. The time he spent with his mom and even his father. Back when they were happy. Back before his father wanted to kill him and disgraced him. Back when his mother was still with them.

The others didn't seem to notice but he didn't blame them in the slightest. They had only known him for a matter of days and he always seemed down and serious.

But this constant reminder lingered in the back of his head and made him feel sick. This pit in his stomach that just seemed to grow with every passing minute. That empty feeling that was consuming him and the questions that always swarmed his mind. As a result, he laid awake at night. The soft light of the moon falling into his room, as he looked out at the sky, asking himself the same old questions.

_ What did he do wrong? Why didn't he love him? Why did she go? Is she alive? Is it his fault she left? Did he do the right thing? Why did Azula and his father hate him? Would he ever see his uncle again? _

He tossed and turned, pressing his eyes shut and trying to keep those questions out. Trying to keep that dark hole in his mind as small as possible, not thinking.

But it was no use. They still came and he couldn't sleep.

So Zuko got up and sighed, looking around. He didn't know where his feet were taking him, as the small flame in his hand guided his way through the dark. Through empty hallways. To an empty room.

The room led to the master bedroom, his parent's bedroom. He felt like a little child standing there, looking at the door, afraid to open it. Like he used to when he had nightmares and got up to run to mom.

He held out his shaky hand, but he just couldn't get himself to open the door.

Frustrated of himself, he gritted his teeth and went with one hand through his hair, before walking to a window, leaning out. He took deep breaths, trying to calm down.  _ Why did he even suggest their old family vacation home? Why did he think this was a good idea? Why was he so damn stupid? _

Zuko whipped around when he heard steps behind him, hands ready to firebend someone straight to hell, his breathing quickening. He calmed and put down his shaky hands once he saw that it was just Sokka.

"Hey, don't fry me," he said with a warm smile, hands raised slightly. "Just heard that someone was walking around so I decided to check it out." He had his hair open, a few strands falling loosely into his face. He was barefoot but brought his sword, which he had on his hip.

Zuko turned back to the window, Sokka joining him "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

Sokka yawned, stretching "Don't worry, I'm a pretty light sleeper."

Zuko scoffed "No your not." he raised an eyebrow at the other, knowing that this man could sleep through Sozins comet if it came down to it.

"Fine! Why are you up and creeping through the house anyway?"

Zuko looked back to the door "I couldn't sleep."

Sokka realized that Zuko seemed more serious and down than usual and felt worry creeping up his back. He knew that the guy wasn't really one to gush about his less than perfect family, so it came as a surprise to everyone when Zuko told them about the house. They had been wondering why Zuko could have possibly chosen this house. They had speculated that it was like home to him and since they were safe there, they didn't complain.

"Why can't you sleep?"

Zuko sighed and looked down at his hands "I don't know." it was sincere and he really did sound lost, scared and uncertain even. And Sokka was shocked to see him like this. "Its just...i have so many memories tied to this place. Both good and bad."

"Okay. That still doesn't explain why you are standing here though."

Zuko turned to the big door. He had it locked and didn't allow anyone to go in. He just couldn't open the door or let others go in there. "That door there leads to the master bedroom. It was my parent's bedroom, but Noone has been in there for five years. Not since she left."

He pushed himself off the wall and walked to the door again. Dark wood only illuminated by Zuko's fire. Sokka followed him and Zuko didn't know why, but he felt like he could trust Sokka with everything. He just felt secure and ever since they broke out of the boiling rock together he felt like he could trust him with everything.

He had his free hand on the wood "I don't know why, but I can't seem to go in there. It's like the room is blocking me out. Or if I'm just standing in my own way. I'm scared to open it." he looked over and Sokka just felt like his heart melted. Zuko really was distraught over this, so he smiled a warm smile before laying one hand on Zuko's shoulder.

"Then how about we go in there together. Maybe then you can try to get some sleep. Get some closure and then that sweet sleep we both crave."

Zuko smiled but still fought with himself.  _ Maybe there were some answers behind that door. Maybe he would finally get peace and would be able to move on.  _ He just nodded, before he slowly unlocked and opened the door.

-

As soon as the door was opened, they were greeted with masses of dust hitting them, sending them both to coughing. After they cleared their airways of five-year-old dust they didn't move. They stopped in the doorway and looked into the dark room.

Sokka, who still had his hand on Zuko's shoulder, checked the other's face for a reaction. Any reaction. And he saw how conflicted Zuko was. How he was fighting himself, trying to figure out what to do.

_ "You don't have to do this _ ." he said softly, at which Zuko faced him.

"I want to. As long as you are coming."

"Exploring has always been the most fun thing on our adventure, so it would be stupid to not take this chance to look around the fire lords bedroom."

Zuko smiled at that, before turning and lighting some of the candles, so that he wasn't the only light source of the room anymore. He sighed, looking through the familiar but also unfamiliar room. He had been in there a lot as a child. 

When he was little his mother would watch the sun slowly sink with him. They played on the balcony and made Zuko's handprint that still stands in this room. There was the first candle that he ever lit. A few drawings him and Azula did and their mom really liked.

"Hey," he whipped around to Sokka when he felt his hand on his shoulder again ", are you okay?"

Zuko just nodded"Yeah it's just... a lot all at once." Sokka nodded as he looked around some more. 

"So talk me through some stuff."

"What?" he looked at Sokka, again confused over the man's ideas.

"You said its a lot. So tell me what the stories are. Like..." Sokka looked and his gaze stopped when he noticed some masks on the wall "...these masks. Looks freaky. I know I wouldn't be able to sleep with them around."

Zuko chuckled as he followed Sokka "Yeah my mom always had to take them down when I joined them in bed after Azula used one to scare me once."

"So she really is  _ that  _ evil, huh?"

"You can say that, yeah." Zuko smiled as he took one of the masks. It was the same mask that he used as the Blue Spirit.

" _ Wow  _ isn't that the mask the Blue Spirit used?" Zuko handed it to Sokka.

"My mom was really into theatre. She loved to drag us to plays and they were always awful. She got those masks out of the earth kingdom. That mask was the last thing I had of her." he remembered how he watched it sink into the lake.

" _ Wait _ !" Sokka whipped around and Zuko turned to him expectedly. "Your mom is the Blue Spirit!" Zuko had to take a second to comprehend what Sokka said before he laughed and took the mask back. "Why are you laughing? I just cracked the identity of the Blue Spirit!"

Zuko put the mask back on the wall "No you didn't you idiot."

" _ Oh yeah? _ Why so sure you big jerk?"

He smiled at Sokka "Because _ I  _ was the Blue Spirit." he watched as Sokka's jaw dropped.

"Yeah,  _ right _ you were."

Zuko scoffed "You really think my mom is the Blue Spirit? Fine, if you don't want to believe me, ask Aang. He'll tell you."

"Oh, you can bet that I will." Sokka crossed his arms and looked at Zuko before his eyes locked onto a picture. He walked around Zuko towards the bed and picked up the picture that lay on the wooden nightstand. 

It was a family portrait. It showed them all. Ozai and Zuko on the right and Azula and their mom on the left. Sokka's eyes stopped at Zuko's face. He didn't have his scar yet, but he seemed pretty old. Older than on the baby portraits that were displayed in the room. 

The group had asked themselves how Zuko got his scar, or how long he had it. It was obviously a burn scar but they didn't know where and how he got it. They also didn't want to ask him, since it could be a touchy subject and they didn't want to seem disrespectful.

Zuko took the portrait from his hands and Sokka was ready to apologize for just taking it when Zuko spoke up "It's from the last time we were here. Its been five years. It was a really hot summer and the painter had trouble getting my father's hair just the way he wanted it, so we had to keep sitting there like that for hours." 

Sokka looked over and saw that Zuko was smiling "Doesn't sound like fun."

"It was annoying but it made my mom happy, so I didn't mind. She joked about his stupid beard and if the painter could just leave it out and there was this whole back and forth about it. It was back when my father wasn't as ruthless. It seems that part of him worsened when she left." his brows furrowed. 

"Do you know why she left?" Sokka was careful. Just by the tone of Zuko's voice, he realized how close to his heart he held her.

Zuko was hesitant "On the day of black sun I faced my father. He told me as a way to stall and keep me there longer. I faced him when he couldn't bend and he tried to keep me there so he could kill me." Sokka felt how his blood ran cold "He told me my mother protected me that night. My father had disrespected his father and was supposed to pay. He was supposed to kill me that night but my mother intervened and saved my life."

" _ Wow _ , it's all fun and rainbows with your family." Sokka exhaled having to process everything Zuko just told him. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you are right. Our parents both had their favorite, I just so happened to be my moms." He gripped the paper tighter "My father always hated me. Azula had  _ always  _ been better than me so he loved her. He wasn't even distraught over the fact that I should die."

"Can I ask you something?" Zuko put the paper down and looked at Sokka and nodded. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to but I've been wondering for a while now and..."

_ "Spit it out _ ."

"How did you get your scar?" it was quiet after that and Sokka was worried that he just overstepped the line. 

Zuko put down the painting "It's a long story."

" _ Sorry I didn't mean to-" _

" _ No _ ," Zuko cut in, looking at Sokka ", it's fine, really. It has been a while." his hand touched his scar subconsciously, Sokka watching with curious eyes. "I got it in an Agni Kai from my father." 

Sokka froze " **_ What _ ** ?!" 

Their eyes met "My father burned my face to teach me respect before banishing me and sending me on this fool's errand to search for the avatar."

"Your father did this to you?" Sokka's brows were furrowed and Zuko just watched him. He watched him cautiously as the man slowly raised his hand to cup his scarred side, but stopping just before he did so. " _ How could a father do this to his own child _ ?" it was merely a whisper.

"It was pretty easy for him."

Sokka looked at him with such shock and pure worry that it made his heart beat faster. When his hand the cupped his face he exhaled and relaxed. "Does it still hurt?"

Zuko leaned into Sokka's touch without realizing it "Sometimes but not that much. It's more uncomfortable than anything." he looked down, the candle flames reacting to his sudden mood swings. "It looks horrible though, so it just hurts to be reminded of that day whenever I see my reflection." he added quietly.

"I'm sorry." their eyes met "I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that, I really am. But you are still here, fighting for good. Your father tried to break you, hell, he even tried to kill you, but you persevered. You are carrying yourself with such confidence when you put your mind on something, it is truly stunning." Zuko felt himself blushing and looking away, before meeting Sokkas warm and soft eyes again. 

"We all have scars, some more prominent than others. I got mine, you got yours. I try to wear mine with pride, knowing that I survived, that I am  _ still _ here. And so are you. You can be proud of yourself too, Zuko."

"I made so many mistakes, why should I be proud?" 

Sokka made him turn his head back with careful fingers "Of course did you make mistakes, we all did. But to notice that they were wrong, stupid, or reckless tells us that we have grown. That we are better people now. You redeemed yourself Zuko. You are part of our family now and saved our lives multiple times. You chose to leave your life behind and join us." he smiled at Zuko "You  _ can  _ be proud of yourself."

Zuko felt tears in his eyes before he pulled Sokka into a hug. Sokka smiled before he returned the hug with just as much love and support that Zuko gave him. 

"Thank you, Sokka."

"I'm here if you need me. Always

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if Zuko ever told the gaang on how he got his scar but I can only imagine that they would want to kill Ozai themselves.


End file.
